Helping children deal with emotional trauma

What is emotional trauma?

Emotional trauma is the lasting mental effect of a difficult event or events. It’s also called psychological trauma.

Emotional trauma can be described as emotional or psychological:

• harm
• damage
• injury

Trauma can affect babies, toddlers and children of any age. If your child has emotional trauma, they will need your support.

What causes emotional trauma?

Emotional trauma can be caused by traumatic events such as:

• moving house or changing school
• a natural disaster like a bushfire
• an accident like a car crash
• experiences of grief and loss
• becoming ill or disabled
• war or conflict

Emotional trauma and distress can be caused by different stressful things that happen to your child over time. This might include abuse, bullying or a chronic illness.

Grief and loss

Grief is a normal reaction to events. Children can experience grief and loss in response to many different things. This might include:

• a death of a pet, family member, friend, or someone else they knew
• family break-up
• losing a friend

Grief can lead to emotional trauma if the event was traumatic and overwhelming for your child.

What are the effects of emotional trauma?

The effects of emotional trauma can range from mild to severe.

Sometimes, your child will be able to cope with and recover from emotional trauma with little lasting effects. Things like stress might upset your child for a few days and pass relatively quickly.

Other times, emotional trauma can be more severe. It may be very difficult for your child to move past a traumatic event. This can cause distress and other health problems.

Distress can have deeper, lasting effects on your child’s life and development. This might include their:

• mental health
• physical health
• relationships
• social and communication skills

Traumatic events can change the way your child acts and the things they say. Severe trauma can also impact how they react to situations as they get older.

It’s important to remember that people experience trauma differently. What might seem easy for one child to cope with might be very difficult for another.

How will I know if my child has suffered emotional trauma?

All children express their emotions differently. There are signs to look out for if you think your child is traumatised or distressed.

Your child may feel strong emotions like:

• sadness
• anger
• shock
• anxiety

If your child has gone through a traumatic event, they may seem confused. They may not understand what has happened. Other children may not appear affected at all by the same traumatic event. All these feelings are normal.

Your child might show signs of emotional trauma through changes in their personality and behaviour. You might notice that they:

• struggle to concentrate
• struggle at school
• shut down, or become quiet and withdrawn
• have behaviour problems
• have tantrums and are hyperactive
• get frightened easily or cry for no clear reason
• are clingy and less confident

They may also experience physical effects like:

• nausea
• headache
• difficulty falling asleep
• loss of appetite
• nightmares
• sleep disorders

Your child might also start to behave in ways that are young for their age. They might:

• suck their thumb
• wet the bed
• become afraid of the dark

Your child may also re-enact the trauma they have gone through when playing and talking. They may do this to try and understand what has happened.

It’s important to remember that your child may cope well on some days and struggle on others.

If you are concerned about your child, it’s best to check with a professional. You can speak to your doctor or a maternal child health nurse.

How can I help my child deal with trauma?

Trauma can continue to affect your child for years. However, you can support them to manage their emotions and recover.

There are different levels of trauma, and each child’s experience may be different. How your child recovers from their emotional trauma can be influenced by:

• their age and their developmental skills
• their personality
• events in their earlier life
• the nature of the traumatic event that has impacted them
• whether a traumatic experience was expected
• how much support they receive from family and friends

You know and understand your child better than anyone. You can make a real difference to their health and wellbeing and help them recover. The earlier you act on signs of emotional trauma, the better.

There are different ways you can help your child work through emotional trauma.

Help your child understand

After experiencing trauma your child may not be able to describe their feelings. They may not fully understand what has happened.

If they don’t understand what has happened, they may think it’s somehow their fault. It’s important to explain what’s happened in words they can understand.

Encourage your child to talk to you about how they’re feeling, if they can. Reassure them that:

• big, difficult feelings are normal
• it’s OK to be emotional
• that you believe what they are feeling
• that their trauma is not their fault

If they can’t talk about it, you can help them express their feelings in other ways like drawing or play.

If you’re also working through trauma, show them that it’s OK to be sad. However, be considerate. Try not to overwhelm your child with your own emotions.

You might feel like denying that there’s something traumatic going on to protect your child. However, if you keep the truth from them, they may imagine worse scenarios. It’s always better to share the truth in a way that is appropriate for your child.

Make your child feel safe and loved

There are lots of ways you can help your child feel safe.

It’s important that your child knows that they can rely on you. Reassure them that you love them and will care for them no matter what.

To comfort them, you can:

• offer them cuddles and kisses
• sing to them
• read with them

Be patient with your child’s emotions and behaviours while they are healing.

Try to keep up regular, familiar routines. At the same time, be flexible to your child’s needs and emotions. These things can strengthen your family bonds and help your child feel secure.

Avoid long periods of time away from your child if you can. If you are separated, you can keep in touch by:

• text
• video chat
• phone
• email

Building a support network

It’s important to maintain strong, supportive relationships in your child’s life, with people other than yourself. Let the people in your child’s life know what is going on.

This can include telling:

• teachers and carers
• other family members
• friends and friends’ parents

Strong relationships will help your child feel safe and help their recovery, even when you’re not around.

It can also help your child to see how others react to situations and understand that they are not alone.

Look into support services are available at your child’s school.

How can I help my child deal with grief and loss?

Ways to help your child manage grief will depend on their age.

Young children may not understand death. They may ask if they can visit the person who has died. Or they may ask when they are coming back. They may repeat these questions while they are trying to understand.

Be patient with your young child. Gently explain to them what has happened and that they won’t be able to see the person again. Reassure them that they are very loved and what has happened is not their fault.

Preschool age children tend to take things literally. For example, if you tell them “Grandma has gone to a better place”, they may want to go and visit. Instead, try to explain things to them as simply and truthfully as possible. You can try saying “Grandma has died”.

As your child gets older, they will begin to understand that death is permanent. They may fear that:

• things will get worse
• they will lose someone else (typically their parent or sibling)

Reassure them that what they are feeling is normal, and that things will get better. They may be curious to better understand what has happened and ask questions about death. You can help by answering their questions in a way that suits their age and understanding.

When should I see my doctor?

If your child has emotional trauma, they might need more support. It’s a good idea to seek professional help if:

• your child’s distress lasts more than a couple weeks
• your child’s trauma seems worse after a couple weeks
• you observe new concerns in your child
• you are having difficulty managing your child’s trauma
• your child’s family or home environment is stressful

If you are concerned about your child, take them to your doctor. They can assess their mental health, behaviour and development and monitor their progress.

You can also talk to your doctor about seeing a mental health professional such as a:

• psychologist
• counsellor
• other specialist support service

FIND A HEALTH SERVICE — The Service Finder can help you find doctors, pharmacies, hospitals and other health services.

How can I look after myself while supporting my child?

It can be very hard to look after a child who is dealing with trauma. Your child may need more from you physically and emotionally at this time. This can be difficult and tiring, especially if you are also working through your own grief or trauma.

Taking care of your own physical and mental wellbeing is very important. If you are struggling, it can impact your child and your ability to support them. Try to look after yourself so you can provide the best care for your child.

Try to find time to take care of yourself. Be sure to:

• sleep well
• eat properly
• exercise
• take time to relax, such as by listening to music

You can also try relaxation or breathing exercises if you are feeling overwhelmed.

If you are finding things difficult, you can get support from:

• your family
• your friends
• your doctor or another health professional

Resources and support

For more information on trauma and how to support your child, you can contact:

• The National Centre for Childhood Grief — 1300 654 556
• Lifeline on 13 11 14
• Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636
• Kids helpline — 1800 55 1800
• Parentline in your state or territory:
  • Parentline ACT — 02 6287 3833
  • Parentline NSW — 1300 1300 52
  • Parentline QLD and NT — 1300 30 1300
  • Parentline SA — 1300 364 100
  • Parentline TAS — 1300 808 178
  • Parentline VIC — 13 22 89
  • Ngala Parentline WA — 08 9368 9368 (metro) or 1800 111 546 (regional)

You can also visit the Trauma & Grief Network website.

Other languages

You can also read the Sydney Children’s Hospital Network factsheet on Supporting your child’s mental health. It is also available in languages other than English.