Feelings, relationships and pregnancy

Pregnancy can mean the start of a new stage in your life, and for some, it will change how you live your life. People often talk about changes such as cravings, fatigue, nausea (morning sickness) and body shape. There are also changes, like needing to negotiate new work arrangements and planning your finances, that can make this a difficult time.

As well as physical, financial and social adjustments, you might experience emotional changes during pregnancy too. Mixed emotions are a normal and necessary part of getting ready to become a parent.

Like unexpected physical health complications (for example, high blood pressure), mental health or mood challenges can affect you during pregnancy. Talking about your feelings can be the first step towards feeling better.

It's very important to look after yourself and notice if you're having a hard time getting through each day. If you have been feeling sad, worried or anxious and this is affecting your life, it's time to get help.

It can be useful for new parents to learn about ways to help themselves through this time of change.

Some ways to prepare include:

• reading parenting books
• asking family members and friends about their experiences as new parents
• thinking about who could be there for you when you need support

It can also help to build a support network with other people who are pregnant or who have children of a similar age.

While planning is important, it's also good to remember that you can't prepare for everything and unexpected changes are likely to happen.

Pregnancy can be a challenging and exciting time. It's normal for you or your partner, if you have one, to experience ups and downs. For some, mood changes, anxiety or depression during pregnancy can affect their daily lives.

Look out for these symptoms of anxiety and depression:

• panic attacks (racing heart, palpitations, shortness of breath)
• persistent, generalised worry, such as fears for the health or wellbeing of the baby
• obsessive or compulsive behaviours (like checking something multiple times)
• abrupt mood swings
• feeling constantly sad, low or crying for no obvious reason
• being nervous, on edge or panicky

If symptoms last for more than 2 weeks or if you are worried, talk to your GP or midwife.

If you are in a relationship, pregnancy will bring about big changes, especially if this is your first baby. Some people manage these changes easily, while others find it harder.

It's normal for couples to argue now and then, and it's no different during pregnancy. It's important to understand that during pregnancy, there are can be reasons for sometimes feeling upset, as well as reasons for feeling closer and more loving.

Communication can help nurture your relationship during pregnancy. Here are some tips:

• Talk to each other about how you feel about being pregnant and what's to come — the positives and negatives or fears. Try to talk in a way that explains your views rather than blames your partner.
• Talk about your hopes and dreams for your family and what rituals and traditions are important.
• Talk about your individual parenting styles. If your styles turn out to be different, you might need to work on solving problems together with negotiation and compromise.
• Be open and honest about your sexual needs.

Here are some practical ways you can help manage how pregnancy affects your relationship:

• Go to antenatal classes together.
• Consider getting some help with managing your money if you're worried about the cost of having a baby.
• Talk about how you'll make time for yourself and time for your partner.
• Discuss how you'll share household tasks now and after your baby is born.

Family violence during pregnancy

Family violence is a serious issue in Australia and it can begin or get worse when someone is pregnant. Learn more about the signs of family violence and the support you can get if you or some you know needs help.

Pregnancy is a special time and there may also be other people around you who are excited by your pregnancy, such as your family and friends. People can offer help in all sorts of ways, and you'll probably be happy to have their support. Sometimes, you may need to put limits on outside help, for example, if it feels as if they're taking over.

When you are pregnant, you might get a lot of advice and even some criticism from others. Sometimes you will find the advice useful, but other times you might not want it or find it unhelpful.

The important thing is to decide what is right for you. After all, it is your pregnancy and your baby.

If unwanted advice is becoming a problem, explain gently that there are some decisions that only you and your partner can make, and some things that you prefer to do on your own.

One practical question you will need to discuss is how you will handle giving birth and whether your partner will be there. Many partners want to be there when their baby is born. It can be helpful to find out about your birth options, including where you can give birth.

Involve your birth partner in antenatal classes if you can and let them know what you want from them. It may help to discuss your birth plan with them so that they understand what you think you will want for labour.

It may be that you don't have a partner during this pregnancy, and you need extra support from family or friends. You may wish to talk to your midwife about the services that are available. Or you may prefer to check out different types of parenting resources available to you.

If you're pregnant and on your own, it's important to have people you can share your feelings with who can offer you support. It can be harder to solve problems, like personal or health problems, when you're by yourself. It's better to talk to someone rather than let things make you feel sad.

Ask someone you trust to support you at the birth

If you don't have a partner, consider if you would like to include a friend, sibling or your parent during antenatal visits and during labour.

You can also ask your midwife or doula if there are antenatal classes in your area that are run especially for single people.

Plan ahead

Think about how you'll manage after the birth. Will there be people around to help and support you? If there's nobody who can give you support, it might help to discuss your situation with someone. Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family.

You may find the best source of support is other single parents. If you don't already know people locally, contact other parents through local groups. You can also contact your local council to see what services are available in your area.

Find out more about the support available through child health centres in your area.

Read about different support groups and services available for parents.

If you are worried you might hurt yourself or your baby, call one of the following:

• Lifeline — 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support).
• Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) — 1300 726 306.
• Beyond Blue helpline — 1300 22 4636.
• If your life is in danger, call triple zero (000) and ask for an ambulance.

Download the Beyond Blue guide for pregnant women, new mums and other carers.

COPE has tips for new parents on building a support network.

Read more on support options for single parents.

13YARN is a national crisis support line for mob who are feeling overwhelmed or having difficulty coping. Call 13 92 76.