What is a family with same sex-parents?

A family is a unit where adults care for children with love. Families come in many shapes and sizes.

Same-sex parents might be 2 mums or 2 dads. The number of families with same-sex parents in Australia is growing. Sometimes these families are called ‘rainbow families’.

A rainbow family is when parents of the same sex are bringing up a child. Rainbow families also include gender-diverse families. It might mean a single LGBTQI+ parent. Sometimes surrogates and donors are also involved in family life.

In Australia, more than 13,000 same-sex couples live together with children. Most of these are female same-sex couples. At the 2021 Census around 2,800 male same-sex couples had children. However, the Census doesn’t identify the sexual orientation of people who are single parents.

Ways to become a parent

Families can be created in many ways. You may already have children from an earlier relationship. Or you may decide to:

• adopt
• co-parent — a planned parenting relationship with another person who you are not in a romantic relationship with
• offer foster care

If you prefer to have a child that is genetically yours (be a biological parent), the options include:

• insemination with donor sperm
• using a surrogate (with or without an egg donor)

Sperm donation

A sperm donor could be:

• someone you know, e.g. a family member or friend
• an unknown donor who has given their sperm to a sperm bank

There is a lot to think about when you are choosing a sperm donor.

If your donor is someone you know:

• Why would they consider donating to you?
• What level of involvement do you want them to have with your child?

Let your potential donor have plenty of time to think about it.

Also consider getting legal advice. You can get a contract drawn up to ensure all people involved understand the agreement.

If you plan to use sperm from a sperm bank, the donor could be Australian or come from overseas.

Sperm donors:

• have their sperm medically screened
• are asked about their medical history
• are screened for infectious diseases
• attend counselling sessions
• are told about their legal rights

If you are thinking about getting donor sperm from overseas, make sure you understand the laws of the country in question.

In Australia, the donor’s identity can be released when the child reaches 18 years of age (or 16 years in Western Australia).

Most assisted reproductive technology clinics can organise donated sperm.

Pregnancy after sperm donation

If one parent has a uterus (womb), you can use intrauterine insemination (IUI) to conceive. With IUI, sperm from a donor is put directly into the uterus.

The steps involved when using donated sperm are quite quick and cheap. However, it doesn’t always result in pregnancy.

In vitro fertilisation (IVF) is another option. This is when sperm is introduced to eggs in a laboratory. Fertility medicines need to be taken beforehand. IVF is more expensive, and it also doesn’t always work.

Surrogacy

Surrogacy is when a woman (or person with a uterus) carries and gives birth to a baby for another person or couple. This might be because the couple can’t become pregnant themselves.

It’s important to get legal advice about any surrogacy arrangement.

There are 2 types of surrogacy:

1. gestational surrogacy (full surrogacy)
2. traditional surrogacy (partial surrogacy)

Gestational surrogacy is when a fertilised donor egg (embryo) is implanted into a surrogate through in vitro fertilisation (IVF). The surrogate has no genetic connection to the baby. For legal reasons, this is the only type of surrogacy that many clinics in Australia will be involved in.

Traditional surrogacy is when the surrogate’s own egg is fertilised by the sperm through IUI or IVF. This can be done at home or in an overseas clinic. In this case, the baby is biologically related to the surrogate.

The surrogate can be someone you know. You may or may not want them to be involved in your child’s life.

Financial surrogacy arrangements

There are 2 types of financial surrogacy arrangements:

1. altruistic surrogacy
2. commercial surrogacy

Altruistic surrogacy is when the surrogate doesn’t get a payment. Money to cover the cost of the surrogate’s medical expenses is allowed. This is legal in Australia. But there are different regulations in each state and territory.

Commercial surrogacy is when the surrogate gets money or another payment. This is against the law in Australia.

Some couples find a surrogate overseas, but this can be quite expensive. It’s very important that you get legal advice before doing this.

Challenges with conceiving

People who go through fertility treatment often struggle with the difficulty of conceiving. The same challenges apply to same-sex parents who use donor eggs or sperm to start a family.

Feeding your baby as same-sex parents

Many same-sex parents can feed their baby with human breast milk.

The Australian Breastfeeding Association and Rainbow Families have developed a breastfeeding, chest feeding and human milk feeding guide for LGBTQ+ parents.

Social and psychological issues

Research has shown that children who grow up in same-sex families do as well as any other children in terms of their emotional, social and educational outcomes.

Outcomes for children in same-sex parent families

Research over the past 30 years shows no difference in outcomes between children raised by heterosexual parents and children raised by parents of the same sex. Children raised in rainbow families do just as well.

In fact, recent research shows that children raised by same-sex parents can have better educational outcomes. This is true for both primary and secondary school.

The sex of parents does not determine children’s outcomes and wellbeing. It’s what parents do that matters. Children who are raised by warm, loving, nurturing, flexible and responsive parents will do well. Same-sex parents can bring these skills and strengths to raising children.

Stigma

There is more support than ever for same-sex families in Australia. But some same-sex couples and their children are exposed to stigma. Negative treatment by others that may affect your child’s wellbeing.

If you think your child is being bullied, it’s important to step in quickly. Schools and teachers are trained to deal with issues like this.

Surrounding your family with supportive friends, family and LGBTQI+ organisations and communities can help your family cope and thrive.

You may want to include other adults in your family life. This can provide a range of role models for your child.

Breaking down prejudice

Misconceptions about families that are different can be changed when individuals get to know each other.

Therefore, it helps if you:

• mix with a range of other families
• get involved with the broader community through school, sport and other activities
• establish networks with other non-traditional families for mutual support and reassurance
• visit your child’s prospective child-care centre or school
• explain to educators how you prefer your family to be described to other children and families

Knowing diverse families enriches the world view of children, making Australia a more open and inclusive place to live, love and care for each other.

Work and legal issues

Same-sex parents and their families have the same entitlements as everyone else. It doesn’t matter if you are married or in a de facto relationship. The Family Law and Services Australia resources cover:

• taxation
• superannuation
• social security
• family assistance
• Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme Safety Net
• Medicare Safety Net
• child support and family law

Same-sex parents are assessed for entitlements in the same way as everyone else.

You may be eligible for child support or Dad and Partner Pay. Visit the Department of Social Services for more information.

What happens if we split up?

From December 2017, same-sex married couples have been treated the same legally as other married couples.

You can divorce under Australian law if you meet the requirements for divorce. This means you have the same rights as heterosexual parents. This includes if you separate or divorce.

Resources and support

For further information and support, visit:

• LGBTIQ+ Health Australia — supports lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans/transgender, intersex, queer and other sexuality, gender, and bodily diverse people and communities throughout Australia.
• Rainbow Families — is the peak organisation for LGBTQ+ parents and their children. Have a look at their Resource kit.
• The Australian Government Surrogacy in Australia website provides information about surrogacy laws.
• Fertility Support Australia is a place where people share their experiences.